Few days ago I read this blog post on Daphnemaia’s blog (very recommended read!), and it really seriously got me thinking. It’s about how advertisement and products dedicated to women is intensely aggressive, and how it convinces us women, that as we are, we are ugly and unworthy, but we could be potentially perfect, if we just try hard enough, and spend enough money.
This got me thinking, because I always thought makeup and fashion have something empowering about them – since the ontology of both is in art, that they allow contemporary women to express themselves and nurture their artistic and creative sides. Even buying and collecting makeup or pretty clothes is an aesthetic experience, as you get in contact with the wonderful forms, textures and colors.
But at the same time, it is a business. It’s meant to make money, and so they attack women with all they can, just to squeeze every last penny out of us. But their methods are dirty – we are presented with images of perfect, not existing women, and educated, that the only reason we are not that perfect, is because we have failed to purchase a product, or diet enough. It’s aggressive and derogatory, objectifying and depriving of dignity and basic respect.
I complained to my partner about it, how the constant pressure makes me always feel fat and ugly (although I know I’m not! but I keep thinking, maybe I should be thinner, maybe I am within the unacceptable limits >_<), and how I wish I could enjoy life by considering my looks as far less important than my intellect, skills and character. He sort of said something along the lines, that with all other women pursuing the perfect image, a woman who does not participate in the race, would appear not groomed, and would be considered sloppy and unprofessional at her workplace. And pretty skinny women have it easier.
Perfection, or aggression? Beauty or objectification?
And then a though hit me - how would women look, if they adapted male grooming standards? Well, most of us would have a belly fat bag hanging in front of us, or we would be totally not toned (face it, for one male that goes to the gym, 10 don’t). We would go to work with occasional black stubs of hair on our legs, and our skin would be patchy and dry, absolutely revealing our age. We would dress in basic, worn out dress pants and random shirts, and sloppy shoes. Accessories? Meh, who cares! Even a belt in our hanging loosely dress pants would be to much of a hustle. And we would feel perfectly fine, and adequate.
I asked my partner, if he would want to work with a woman who is like that, and he winced. I can’t blame him for it – our society absolutely accepts men with half-baked grooming standards and any weight, but will punish any woman, who dares to be even slightly over-weight, not have thick luscious hair, and not have smooth crease-less skin. And we don’t get the luxury of thinking “yeah, I might look a bit sloppy today, but no one will care!”. Maybe a good start would be for women to unify and not take nasty jabs at women who fall behind in the perfection race.
So I wonder… Being a part of a beauty community, what do we really immerse ourselves in: hidden aggression towards femininity by promoting unrealistic images of perfection, or empowerment of female creativity and aesthetics?
Wow, that’s so profound. I agree that women should not take jabs at women who don’t fit a certain wrongly prescribed ideal of beauty. But I find it goes the other way too. Women who wear too much make-up are viewed as vain and even air-heads. I think acceptance is hard to find regardless of who you are, how you are.
Yes I totally agree with you! I remember lamenting to my friends how women face a steeper bell curve compared to men, and another friend fantasised how nice would it be if the tables were turned to become in line with the animal kingdom (the males are the ones who are supposed to attract mates with their looks). Rat races are so sad.
And while i sympathise with the pressure sales assistants face about hitting sales targets, i despise and detest some of the negative words they use to try to hit your self-esteem and buy the product to compensate on where you’re supposedly lacking. I find that I need to be extra conscious about taking in what they say personally so as not to regret my purchases.
that is so true… i’m only 15 but everyday i fuss abt my pimples, my hair, my nails, my weight, and in school i talk to my friends about getting lasik and liposuction and laser hair removals after we turn 18. i know we’re only fantasizing, but if we had the money to do it we definitely would. then i turn around and see the prettiest skinniest most perfect girl and feel totally i-dont-know-how-to-say. sucks:(( and my brother dosen’t even own a facial cleanser.
at least now men are getting more self conscious:))) im seeing more and more beauty skincare products for men pop up:)
Wow that’s a great topic that you have brought out, yeah it is so true that marketing companies uses those pretty & slim girls to sell their products and yet we all buy it… I hate myself for doing that sometimes but it’s so hard to resist, because there’s always this little inner voice in every women’s head saying “i want to prettier i want to slimmer…”
Oh well, I guess just don’t take it too seriously, life suppose to be fun…
wow tis post of yours is interesting! women are always more vain than men so we tend to spend alot of money on beauty products and nice clothes. yes i agree with Mandy that most of us (including mi) feel hurt or annoyed with those insensitive salesgirls’s ‘piercing’ words.
every women knows it’s important to have self-confidence but sometimes, we can be taunted by men. now i wonder whose fault that make us wanna look prettier or slimmer. isit the men, media or our narcisstic or inferior selves?
Great post!
it really sucks that there’s such a distinctive double standard when it comes to the appearance of men and women. We have to do so many things to make ourselves look presentable and no matter how hard we try, we still look old and once we’re tired of trying, we’re considered lazy. Men on the other hand can go around looking cute without caring at all. He probably gathers pride in the fact that he’s been wearing the same underwear for a week.
IMO the problem isn’t women’s perfectionism. It’s men’s slovenliness in combination with consumerism. Wanting to be beautiful and feminine is a part of human nature – for some reason, our culture nurtures that urge in women (obsessively) and tries to destroy it in men. By the same token, wanting to be masculine and strong is present in all humans but is nurtured differently depending on the sex of the individual. If we recognized both sides of ourselves, we could stop having these circular debates about whose fault it is that we all hate ourselves.
I totally love this comment… It’s so true that we are drawn to beauty, as well as drawn to being strong and courageous!